How fast the positive resolution falls flat. It has been close to a week since my first and last post about trying to keep things positive. In fact, I had gone downhill since that last post. I’ve been seeking more and more the non-work, non-school non-reality. I wonder if this is what addiction feels like? I am seeing a relief from this world by falling into a fictional world, escape from all, including my loving husband. I voice my emotions, and I voice my distress, but I am not connecting.
I continue to live in the world because I have been doing it, going through the motions. I seem to go on due to inertia of all that I had built up within me over the years. I have not built up anything in the last year or so. I keep reaching for the person that used to be me, but now is perhaps only an imprint of my former self.